THE ICKY, GUILT-LADEN, UNCOMFORTABLE NO

Here’s a little schadenfreude for my executive women clients.

I am the Queen of Boundaries, at least when I’m coaching others. I have some simple, elegant and thoroughly useful scripts for saying “no”, and I know through experience — my own and my clients’ — that they work.

Well, most of the time they work.

But what happens when they don’t? What happens when you’ve set and reset your boundaries, explicitly stated your needs and expectations, patiently led and counselled and coached others towards the desired outcome you all agree on and still you can’t get the result you need? When it starts costing you more to keep trying than you can afford?

I’m learning what happens right now. Learning how challenging — how icky, how uncomfortable, how guilt-laden — it can be to say no. Or in this case, no more.

Stepping away from a commitment you’ve made, a cause you still believe in, a responsibility you take personally, a team you care deeply about, an identity you cherish… stepping away takes courage, because you can’t be sure of the outcome of your action.

Perhaps it will be brilliant. Perhaps others will grasp their opportunity to step up, take charge, do things in a new way, a better way. Perhaps they’ll be glad and grateful and energised by you stepping away.

Perhaps without you there to control everything it will fall apart. Perhaps they’ll blame you. Perhaps they’ll resent you. Perhaps you’ll never get another great opportunity again because you didn’t see this one through.

Perhaps.

Here’s the thing. If you’re contemplating saying no, or no more, to a commitment you’ve made, to a cause you believe in, to people you care deeply about, I trust it’s because you know it’s time to put your own needs first. I trust you’ve weighed all the other options and have decided this option is the one that’s right for you.

It’s icky, it’s guilt-laden, it’s uncomfortable, and it’s the right thing to say.

“No more.”

Much love to you as you restore the boundaries you need.

Karyn xx