I need a new job! I need it now!

February 14, 2025

Hi, Karyn.

I need a new job. I NEED a new job. I can’t keep going on with the one I’m in. It’s not just about getting no satisfaction from it (which is important to me), my relationship with my boss is toxic and I’ve tried to make them happy and I still leave every meeting feeling like an incompetent dill (I’m not. Or at least I never have been before so I believe I’m not now.)

I’ve applied quite strategically for jobs I believe I’m well-equipped for and I’m not even getting interviews. This has never happened to me before, I ALWAYS get at least an interview. I’m worried my boss has put some chatter in the marketplace that I’m not any good. I’m getting desperate and perhaps I just need to leave this job and take my chances but I can’t leave my family stranded without an income just so I feel better about myself.

What am I doing wrong??? What can I do differently to sort this out and move on?

Thank you,

AJ

What are you doing wrong, AJ? I really don’t know. Chances are: absolutely nothing. Let’s unpack this a little.

• You need to leave your current job — but not yet (you can’t afford to leave without another to walk into)
• You’re applying for new jobs and haven’t found the right one — yet.
• You’re feeling unsatisfied, poisoned, incompetent, worried, self-doubting, desperate, pressured, guilty… and I suspect, exhausted.

That’s quite the load, right? When you’re feeling all those emotions, it can be hard for clarity and optimisim to squeeze their way in.

Here’s what I’m coming to understand. Some people aren’t ready to be helped. I’m not talking about you, AJ, I’m talking about your boss, who you’ve been turning yourself into a pretzel for, trying to make them happy.

I could offer you all sorts of strategies for appeasing your boss — you undoubtedly know these and have tried them all, and a few more besides — but while you can change yourself and your own contribution to a relationship, you can’t change how your boss turns up to the relationship. If they don’t want to be happy with your performance, there’s little to nothing you can do to change that, unless you’ve received very clear and specific feedback about an area of your performance you can act on. Doesn’t sound like that’s the case.

(If you haven’t asked for clear and specific feedback about your performance, that IS one more strategy worth trying, and I can help you with the words for this — jump on a call with me and we’ll sort it out.)

I could also offer you all sorts of strategies for writing cut-through application letters and rearranging your CV, and again, you undoubtedly know these and have applied them.

So let me offer you assurance instead: Applying for roles you’re well-equipped for and not even getting interviews is a rite of passage. By which I mean: it happens to us all. If it hasn’t happened to you previously, that simply means you haven’t had that experience previously.

You’re having it now, and you’ll get through it, and here’s what I want you to really dig into, know and feel:

This is one of the biggest, most beautiful career opportunities you’ve yet been presented.

And you COULD treat it like a blip, like a bump in the road, like a hurdle to be got over so you can move on.

You could also treat it like the moment when you get to decide what you really want to do and who you really want to be. Because my love, if you’ve won interviews (and, I assume) jobs so effortlessly in the past, you haven’t had to think too hard about whether and how much you really wanted those jobs. The contribution you’d make in them. The contribution they’d make to you. And that’s perfectly fine: you didn’t have to. You didn’t GET to.

Now you get to. So here are three questions I want you to ask yourself, and really dig deep for the answers. Journal them if that’s a practice that works for you. Talk them through with somebody you trust (or jump on a call with me if that appeals). Or simply sit with them and let your wisdom come to you.

Q 1:

In what ways am I really outstanding in my work and self?

Write at least 20 responses to this question. Then write another 5 more. And then another 3.

You can phrase it this way:

“I am outstanding in how I…”

And if you really struggle to get started because you have old modesty voices in your head, you can phrase it this way:

“I may not be perfect in xxx but I am outstanding in…”

Once you have your list, sit with it and absorb it and own it. Honestly, how often do you give yourself credit for how outstanding you are? This is the moment. Do it today.

Once you’ve owned your list, think of the people who need to know this:

• Your boss needs to know it if they don’t already. A conversation with them could go something like, “It occurs to me that while we’ve been working together for some time now, you might not know this about me: I am outstanding in how I… And I don’t think that quality of mine has been put to its best use. Here’s how I’d like to apply it… Do you have any objections to me doing that?

To be clear, this conversation is not for your boss. It’s for you. It’s for you to reclaim your brilliance and authority and power, your self-confidence and self-esteem. If you need to rehearse it with a gentler audience to start with, do that. But while you have to stay in this job for now, you don’t have to stay feeling unsatisfied, miserable and powerless in this job.

• Your future employer needs to know this. Review your most recent application letter and your CV and ensure you are leaving them in no doubt about how you’re outstanding and how this will make a difference in the role and in their organisation.

One of the things I observe as we progress in our careers: we forget that by the time we reach executive level, our skill set is largely assumed. I’ve seen far too many CVs focus on the skill sets and functions delivered rather than the impacts of these on the organisation and teams women lead. If you’re still using some form of early CV and application letter, only updating for promotions, it’s time to look at it with fresh eyes and be sure it’s telling the story of your impact, not just your position descriptions and actions.

• Your family needs to know this. I’ll bet they’re already proud of you, and I bet they’ve no idea just how much pressure you feel to earn for them. That pressure’s easier to bear when you feel valued and revered (yes, revered!) by the people closest to your heart. Let them know how outstanding you are in your work.
• Your network needs to know this. Colleagues are some of your best assets for finding the next right job. They’ll speak your name when they know that’s important to you; and you can make it easier for them by giving them the words. Old modesty will rear its head here, too, so remember your “I might not be perfect in xxx, but I tell you, I’m outstanding in the way I…” script. Rehearse it as much as you need to before making coffee appointments, but use it.

Q 2.

In what ways and in what arenas do I want to be even more outstanding in my work and self?

This is where you dream about how much more magnificence is in you to develop and demonstrate (you can call it capacity if you feel more comfortable with that; but I invite you to try on the label of magnificence).

Your answers to this question guide your approach to your next right job. When you’ve identified the ways in which you’re outstanding and the ways in which you can be even MORE outstanding, you’ll much more easily identify the role/s that can bring you satisfaction and joy. Because goddammit, that OUGHT to be part of your reward for the excellent leadership, commitment and skill I’ve no doubt you’ll contribute.

Pay less attention to a role’s responsibilities and requirements, more attention to its organisation’s mission and its leadership. If you can see a place for yourself there, if you can connect with a vision for how you’ll help them achieve their mission, if you can relate to the leadership approach of its current executives, then that’s a job worth offering your magnificence to.

Be prepared for some surprises in this exercise. This could well be where you realise you want to give more time and attention to a talent or skill you’ve not yet found use for (or valuing of) in the workplace. It could be where you realise your expectations of yourself at work have never really aligned with your expectations of yourself as parent and partner. That’s exciting. That’s one of the discoveries that could pivot you into a career and a way of living and working you never imagined.

Q 3.

What is enough?

This is one of my favourite questions when there’s a hard decision to be made.

What is ‘enough’ when it comes to financial security for you and your family? What’s the number? What does it take to achieve that?

The answer is very often lower than you first imagine, often lower than your salary number, and I’m not for a minute suggesting you undervalue your contribution and reduce your salary expectations to this number. Quite the opposite. But what this number gives you is relief: it’s a floor you can be confident of stabilising. You’ve more than likely been comfortably meeting or exceeding this number in the past. You can do so again.

And then, what is ‘enough’ when it comes to satisfaction for you in your life? When you’re not getting the satisfaction you want from your job yet, where else can you find that satisfaction? (If you’re in a state of exhaustion, there are some different questions to be asked; that needs a separate conversation.)

What is ‘enough’ when it comes to how much you give of yourself, to your work and to your family? This speaks to your expectations of yourself, and they’re very often a good deal higher than the expectations of others.

AJ, sit with these questions and see what clarity they bring you to your current situation. If you’d like some more help after you’ve done this, by all means book a call and let’s work through the answers.

The final thing I want to draw your attention to is the word ‘yet’ which I’ve sprinkled liberally through this column. You haven’t found satisfaction in your current job YET. You haven’t found the right next job YET. While the strategies I’ve outlined above will all help, the single biggest help I can offer you is to encourage you to sprinkle ‘yet’ liberally through your own thinking and conversations about this situation.

It can be easy, when you’re feeling miserable, anxious, powerless, rejected, to fall into all-or-nothing thinking and from there into unhelpful speculation: I’ve ALWAYS got interviews before (so I’m doing something wrong, or my boss is talking me down, or…). This can easily lead into a vicious, perpetuating cycle of imagining you’re not measuring up. Add ‘yet’ to your self-talk and see how it reframes your thinking, your mood and your power.

Let me know how you get on. And if I can help further, let’s set up a chat.

Much love to you,

Karyn