Choose the discomfort
It’s funny how we so often think boundaries are for other people.
Boundaries are for us.
When somebody’s overstepped our boundary, it’s so often because we’ve opened the gate and beckoned them in. Or at least stood at the front door and allowed them to walk on through.
When you’re feeling the onset of burnout, defining and protecting your boundaries becomes more important than ever. Saying ‘yes’ to invitations, extra work, new responsibility, because you’re uncomfortable in the moment with saying ‘no’, is one challenge we’re going to have to work on.
Brené Brown elegantly encourages us to “choose momentary discomfort over long-term resentment” and she’s so right. Executive women, particularly those amongst us who recognise we’re people pleasers (I’m right there with you), genuinely struggle with saying ‘no’.
It takes practice; it can take a few variations you’ve practised in your head and are comfortable speaking out loud (‘thank you, I’d love to help but I have too much on my plate right now to do this justice’), but ultimately it becomes the most satisfying, powerful position in your repertoire. And it means you have the energy, focus and time for the things that most serve you and your contribution to the world.
Resetting a boundary we’ve allowed others to cross can be equally challenging. If we’ve been culpable in the past of allowing somebody to overstep, how can we possibly tell them that’s no longer okay?
Well, exactly like that. “I know that behaviour used to be okay with me but it’s now making me uncomfortable/irritated/cranky/choose your own emotion. In future, please… What will you need in order to respect this request/boundary?”. Conveyed with firm, consistent and assertive courtesy, this is a powerful way to reset your boundary and reclaim your time, emotional energy and space.
I promise you, the discomfort of ‘no’ is nothing on the discomfort, pain and cost of burnout.
And if you’re looking for other signals that tell you burnout’s becoming a problem, for you or somebody in your team, let’s set up a call and work through it.
