What about MY priorities?

February 27, 2026

Hi Karyn

I have a really bad habit of taking on other people’s goals and needs as if they’re my own and then never having time or energy to fulfil my own objectives.

I’m always hyper-focused on my team, the department, the outcomes then somewhere along the way my own KPIs and development get pushed to the bottom of the list so then I’m scrambling to meet my deadlines.

I know I’m respected by my boss and my team. I always deliver, always. But I’m exhausted and I’m really resenting putting in extra hours to get my own work done when everybody else has gone home. I don’t know how to break this pattern without dropping the ball or disappointing everybody.

RB

Dearest RB

You’ve described something I see so very often in highly capable executive women.

They know they’re competent. They’re not confused about their priorities. They’re conscientious and committed. Emotionally intelligent. They notice what needs doing and get it done. They anticipate risks. Step in before things unravel. Buffer their team from political nonsense. Quietly fix what others overlook.

And yes, they’re absolutely exhausted. And no wonder.

The problem is, they (you) are so bloody good at it.

Your organisation benefits from your standards and commitment. Your team feels supported. You get a reputation for being reliable and safe.

But there’s a cost that accrues slowly and almost invisibly. And toxic, dispiriting resentment is just a part of it.

When you repeatedly absorb responsibility that isn’t strictly yours, you create a pattern of expectations. Others unconsciously adjust around your capacity. They bring you the half-formed problem. They defer decisions upward. They rely on you to smooth the edges.

And because you can carry it, you do.

What often sits underneath this isn’t martyrdom. It’s identity.

Being the one who can be relied upon feels good. It affirms your value. It reduces uncertainty. It keeps you in control of quality and pace.

Letting go of some of that can feel strangely destabilising, even if you’re tired.

So the essential shift you need to make isn’t about becoming less committed. It’s about becoming more deliberate.

Before stepping in, pause and ask yourself: is this actually mine to own, or am I moving so quickly, too quickly, just so I can relieve discomfort — mine or theirs?

Notice where you pre-empt struggle. Notice where you answer the question that hasn’t fully been asked. Notice where silence in a meeting feels intolerable and you fill it.

You don’t have to swing to detachment. This isn’t about becoming aloof or withholding support.

It’s about allowing other competent adults to carry the weight that is appropriately theirs — your team members, your peers, your boss — and allowing the system to show you and them where it is fragile without you propping it up.

That’s going to feel really hard to start with, but it’s essential because otherwise, my love, you are burnout waiting to happen.

Your own strategic priorities, thinking space, development, creativity — these are not indulgences. They are part of your leadership remit. If they are constantly displaced by other people’s urgency, something needs recalibrating.

It will absolutely feel uncomfortable at first. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

If you struggle with resetting those expectations you’ve unintentionally created in others, drop me another line. I have a script I can share that will make the conversation easy and powerful.

Every good wish,

Karyn