WHAT’S BENEATH THAT NAGGING NEED TO APOLOGISE?

‘Oh, it was really the team who pulled that off…’
‘I should have xxxed better…’
‘It was my fault it didn’t meet expectations…’

Recognise these responses to praise or setbacks? Have you heard yourself saying one or more of these?

In coaching executive women, I’ve noticed how often we deflect praise while absorbing blame — diminishing our leadership contribution, taking responsibility for circumstances beyond our control, apologising for mistakes that had nothing to do with us.

There’s a gender factor playing out here. Copious research shows women often struggle with claiming their achievements while readily accepting blame — a pattern that can undermine their leadership authority and performance.

Partly this comes from some pretty common ‘good girl’ socialising from when we were children: the encouragement we received to downplay our own accomplishments so others didn’t feel smaller, and the pressure to placate and appease and smooth over rocky relationships or reactions.

Signs you might need to reframe your relationship with credit and blame?
😟 You minimize your contributions in team successes
😟 You apologise for outcomes that weren’t solely (or at all) your responsibility
😟 You struggle to accept compliments or recognition
😟 You feel personally responsible for every team setback

There’s no doubt sharing praise and rewards with your team is an essential trait of great leadership, as is modelling accountability and taking responsibility for your mistakes.

But powerful leaders don’t only distribute credit and absorb blame; they create an environment where both success and failure are shared learning experiences.

Truth bomb: Taking too much blame is just as harmful to your team as taking too much credit.

What’s your experience with balancing credit and accountability in leadership? If you know this is something you struggle with in your own leadership, let’s make time to talk.